Are there actually advantages to cheating on your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend?   Are there benefits to be realized … or gains to be had as a result of cheating?

I do not personally advocate cheating whatsoever – I think cheating is disrespectful, and dishonest.    Throughout – you will find references to my view of the negative karma effect of cheating … which means that I believe that cheating (or any form of bad behavior) will come back around at you like a boomerang in life.  In other words, treat others the way you want to be treated – because the bed you make is your own.

All that said, I’ve recently received a handful of emails from readers who tell me I’m too judgmental … and that I should expose the other side of this issue in the interest or spirit of the motto, Leverage the Midlife Knowledge … or perhaps in the spirit of the motto of our Midlife Forum here, Discuss Anything. Regret Nothing.   So here you go – the counterpoints to my own cheating-averse opinions, as told to me via a number of anonymous readers …

Why Cheat?

  1. Dissatisfaction with One’s Current Relationship
  2. Loss of Passion
  3. Sense of Missed Opportunity
  4. How to Cheat Discreetly

Dissatisfaction with One’s Current Relationship
No matter who you are – the longer you are with someone, the more bored with them you typically get.  Sometimes “boredom” becomes the least of your worries – as they can become more and more annoying over time … because you get to know all the little things they do or don’t do that really wear on you.  As the newness and hotness of a fresh relationship wear off, you realize what you’ve wound up with – and sometimes he or she is a lot less ideal than you first imagined.   All of this happens at different rates for different people … for some (like me), I can become annoyed with someone in a matter of months.  For others, it can take years … I think it really depends on how easy-going or tolerant you are.

As someone becomes less interesting or more annoying to you, you could simply break up with them – and that would clearly be the most honorable thing to do.  But what if you are married … maybe with children … or maybe you simply don’t want to break up because you don’t want to risk being alone?  Here is where (I’m told) that cheating becomes appropriate.  You can take a quick, uncomplicated, non-committal walk on the wild side – and get it out of your system.  Maybe you need to cheat in order to see what life is like outside the prison of your relationship?

Loss of Passion
Often times, people in long-term relationships have completely forgotten what blistering white hot sex is all about.  They’ve forgotten what it’s like to get wet or hard just thinking about someone.  They don’t look forward to seeing their wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend … because the passion is gone, and the relationship has turned into one that is more for convenience than lust.  In situations like this – you have to ask yourself if you are really living your life to its fullest.  People tell me that this absence of passion is exactly the reason why they cheat … and that they do not do it to insult or disrespect their long-term partner, rather they do it for their own mental health.  In other words, discreet cheating is a means for them to keep the normalcy or stability of their everyday life while at the same time inserting an element of fun and excitement at a level they’ve never previously imagined.

Sense of Missed Opportunity is all about everything midlife … especially dating and associated issues which include the Midlife Crisis.   Often times, we in our late 30s to late 40s start to feel that we are missing the boat with respect to something … like our careers … or our relationships … or maybe even our cars.   And so we make changes … sometimes foolish choices … based on what I refer to elsewhere as the Grass is Greener Syndrome which means whatever you have now, there is something better.

And so in this context, people cheat because (for example) they want to sample that hot, young admin who wears the low-cut tops and tight jeans to work everyday.  Or maybe someone attractive at work appears to have a lot of qualities that you only wish your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend had … like money, or power, or serious good-looks.  Or maybe someone new at the gym is paying a lot of attention to you … and you’re not used to that … and you just want to give in, if only once to see what it is like.  These are opportunities that present themselves to you … and perhaps you feel that if you don’t take advantage of such an opportunity, that you are robbing yourself of some experience that you feel you deserve.

How to Cheat Discreetly
What if some of the scenarios described here hit home – and you think you want to cheat, or at least investigate it further?  Well – you could go and proposition someone at work, and risk getting fired (which would be entertaining to explain to your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend).  Or you could approach someone at the gym or some other social circle you participate in, and risk that person telling you “no” – and then they proceed to tell others … with rumors eventually making it back to your significant other.   Or – you could join one of those dating services that target that particular discreet market.  I’m not talking about the sleazy site that has been around for a while.   Actually I’m talking about a newer site that several readers emailed me about … one of those readers is a longer-term member of our Midlife Forum here, and therefore has credibility with me:

visit if you really want it 2q101o26v0zKNQLNORQKMLPTPMLS

So THAT is all of the input I can provide you with.  Again – I do not personally advocate cheating … I think it is dishonest and disrespectful.  If you choose to cheat – be prepared to deal with the consequences.  Divorce or messy breakups certainly are not pretty … and can be very costly from both an emotional and financial standpoint so be sure you assess your risks appropriately.

Here are some other resources or discussions here on that may help you figure out if cheating is something you wish to entertain:

  1. Discussion Thread entitled “Advantages of Cheating?” from our Midlife Forum
  2. Is Cheating Worth It? from our Short Midlife Articles
  3. Bad Karma / Good Karma subsection of Attitude Adjustment / Mental Makeover 2.0 section in Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover under Midlife Dating Advice
  4. Your Midlife Crisis
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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.