Moving Too Fast in a New Relationship

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My girlfriend, who is turning 55 this week, just met a guy on eharmony.  He lives a couple hours away and they spent all day together on their first date.  During this time he took her to a mall where he bought her a gold “friendship” ring and a keychain on which he had engraved both their names on one side and “Thinking of you always” on the other.  They have known each other a whopping week now and have already exchanged ‘I love you’s.  He told her she never has to work again.  She described him as perfect, brilliant, etc., and said she would marry him.  I looked at his profile online, and he looks normal and the profile didn’t send up alarm bells.  What’s your take on this guy?  Is he desperate, a con artist, or what?  I’m disappointed that a woman her age would not practice common sense in a situation like this, especially after having been burned in the past.


CLEARLY there are alarm bells going off – but I cannot tell exactly


what this guy’s deal is.  CLEARLY he is (or appears to be) moving fast fast fast … and there has got to be a reason for that … but we don’t know yet the WHY.  I would tell her to keep it slow, run a background check on him, and watch out for any small signs of anything odd.  I would bet my next paycheck that this guy is up to something … and if he is not “up to something” then he might have a mental condition (like bipolar) where she is part of his manic phase.  There is no reason for any sane person to move that fast within one week’s time.

And your girlfriend might be just as crazy for allowing herself to get this caught up in it.  He is saying all of the right things that she apparently so desperately wants to hear.  Maybe she hasn’t been with anyone for a long period of time, and is especially lonely?  That makes her a prime target for a scam artist.  I would definitely recommend that she take two steps back, and (after running a background check on him) then proceed slowly and with caution.  If he truly loves her, then he will understand and comply.  If he is a con artist or a nut case, then he won’t comply – instead he’ll either pressure her to accelerate the relationship OR he’ll leave suddenly.

Hey – I guess it could also be “love at first sight” but I’m a doubter of that phenomenon.  Don’t get me wrong – I fell in love at first sight three times last week, so I know it can happen but I think that was just lust.  ha ha ha

UPDATE FROM THE ORIGINAL SENDER:  She called to let me know it’s over with that guy.  Listening to her rave about him one day and then dump him a few days later makes me realize not all is well with her.  I wonder now if maybe SHE is bipolar.  It makes me sad.

MIDLIFE BACHELOR COMMENT:  Both parties are probably a bit unstable.  At least they had one good week together!

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.