My Girlfriend Says I Drink Too Much

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I am 49, and my girlfriend is 45.  She is normal, maybe a little conservative, and we live together.  She says I drink too much.  I drink every day, but it is like maybe two vodka tonics in the evening, starting after dinner around seven or 7:30 p.m. I pour them strong, but I rarely drink more than two because otherwise, I will be hung over the next day.  I don’t go out often with my friends, and I don’t usually drink too much.  I like to drink every day – does that make me an alcoholic?  My girlfriend seems to think so, but I’m not so sure.  She’s the type that will find SOMETHING to complain about, so my take is that if she’s not complaining about this, then she will find something else to complain about.  I don’t want to stop drinking, but she asks me to.  Whatever.  Do you have advice for me?  How can I get her off my back completely?

Thanks for writing in.  Your question is very entertaining and is one that many men can relate to – not just from a drinking standpoint, but from an overall perspective of being picked on about SOMETHING by their girlfriend or wife.  The basic idea here is that you can either accept the input (and try to change it) or dismiss it.  If you think you DO have a drinking problem, then it might be best to accept the input – otherwise, I would lean toward dismissal and take advantage of the enumerated suggestions that I have below.  Many of us men could easily have written in about a similar issue – so don’t worry, Brother … you are not alone!

If you decide to dismiss her complaints about your drinking, then consider the following:

1)  State matter-of-factly that you drink every day because of her and the stress she puts on your relationship with her constant complaints and criticism.  [She will love that.]

2)  Tell her that concerning your drinking, you do not have a problem with it.  If she has a problem with it, she is the one with the situation.  [She will also love that.  And it may confuse her, too – which is good.]

3)  ) If you think the bigger problem may be that your girlfriend talks too much, please see the other article entitled Nine Signs Your Girlfriend Talks Too Much.  You will be able to verify if that is the issue after reading that informative and diagnostic article.

4)  In my opinion, you are probably normal … not at alcoholic … but (again, in my opinion) if you want to know if you are an alcoholic, then try going without any booze for a while and see if you find yourself climbing the walls.  When I say “climbing the walls,” I mean that you find yourself physically craving or needing the booze … and NOT simply that you cannot stand the sound of your girlfriend’s voice (that’s something different – it’s called sobriety, and it sucks).

5)  You are correct that if your girlfriend does not complain about your drinking, she will find something else to complain about.  When you live with someone, I say it can be “imprisoning” because you often have little choice other than to listen to it, at least to some extent.  Now you could try turning up the volume on your TV or home theater, or maybe try some noise-canceling headphones.  Women don’t usually like that approach, though.

Remember – women complaining is expected behavior … so you should only worry about this if she seriously annoys you.  It’s possible that she has reached her shelf life or expiration date with you – and that means it is time to trade her in for a newer (younger) model.  However, if you love this woman, you could always try to sit down with her and negotiate something that works out best for both of you (to your drinking).  Everything depends on how much you love her and whether you want to work with her on issues (hers or yours).  Pour yourself a strong drink, and consider all of this. Good luck!

Okay – I hope this was helpful.  I would like you to consider joining our Midlife Dating Forum.  Here is a link to – Midlife Dating Forum.  We have many people in their 30s/40s/50s in similar situations … divorced after long, imprisoning, suffocating marriages or relationships … who support one another and bounce ideas off of one another.  We would be happy to have you join our group.  Good luck – please report back with how things go!

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.