Let’s look at each of these in some detail:

Focus on Thinking and Saying Positive Thoughts
As a single person, you really have to pay close attention to what comes out of your mouth.  Laura turns EVERYONE off with her negativity, and I’m quite positive that she has no idea that she comes across that way.  Laura does not know that I have this website, but if she did – I would tell her to read the section on Spreading Good Karma and Recognize the Good in Everything and Everyone.  She pretty much scares off dates and also friends with her negativity – I can only listen to Laura for maybe an hour or two before I can’t take it anymore.  My current girlfriend cannot stand to be around Laura for these same reasons … Laura just never has anything good to say period.

There are Plenty of Single People Out There
Laura insists there are no good quality single men in San Diego.  I beg to differ – there are tons of great quality single people EVERYWHERE if you open your eyes and look for them.   Laura’s assertion that no single men are out there is just another of her negativisms.  The fact is – Laura does nothing proactive to enable herself to meet single men.  I believe she uses her assertion that there are no high quality single men in her area as an excuse to dwell on her situation.

You have to Put Yourself Out There
Laura needs to do several things on her own in order to make herself attractive and available to the high quality single men of San Diego.  First, she needs a makeover – not just an attitude adjustment (as I described earlier), but Laura needs to work on her appearance.  When she showed up at my house to go to dinner, she was wearing no makeup, sweat pants, and a t-shirt.  Now I wasn’t a date – but I can say that every time I’ve seen Laura in the last several years, she has looked like a rag.   The wealthy guys in La Jolla are not going to go chasing after women who look like they just left the gym without showering – no.  Laura needs a makeover … she needs makeup, hairspray, fingernails, a new wardrobe (and a fresh attitude).  If Laura were a man, I’d tell her to read the section here called Personal Appearance 2.0 – Look the Part.

The other thing that Laura needs to do is to proactively do things that will get herself in front of potential datable men.  I suggested online dating, but of course she said that only losers do online dating.  [Data point – I’ve done online dating, and I am not a loser.]  I told her to join a local club – like a ski club because she likes to ski.  She said she doesn’t like riding on buses with strangers.  I told her to start going to happy hour with her local girlfriends at a nice place in La Jolla on the weeknight she doesn’t have her daughter – she said she doesn’t have female friends like that.  I told her that maybe she needs to start going to the gym regularly, and maybe make some friends (or possibly even meet men there) – and she said she hates the gym.   Then she told me my suggestions were silly, and that I wasn’t taking her seriously – JEEZ.

Lower Your Standards
“Pick the low-hanging fruit first” is an excellent strategy if you are an orchard worker, or a single person who hasn’t had a date in several years.   Laura wants a guy who is rich, good-looking, educated, and who has no emotional baggage.   Well guess what – every other woman out there wants that same guy … so the competition is fierce, and unless you are really well equipped, you have to face the fact that you may not meet a guy like that.  I didn’t suggest she SETTLE – but I did suggest that she loosen her criteria a bit.  Maybe focus on someone who has a four-year college degree first, and who is also reasonably attractive?   What about personality?  Laura never said anything about her dream date’s personality – I guess he just has to be rich and good-looking.  Anyway – my point to her was that she should get out there, and start dating … start making friends … start networking.   You don’t have to fuck or even kiss every guy you go on a date with – and if nothing else, you might wind up becoming friends with him … which might mean that he introduces you to someone he knows who WILL be a good catch.  It is all a matter of putting yourself out there, taking chances, making friends, spreading good karma, and then ultimately (hopefully) reaping the benefits.

WHAT DO YOU THINK about what I told Laura?  Did I give her good advice, or what would you say to her if she were your friend? Email us what you think at [email protected]

Read the next article in this sequence about Raunchy Maria – it is called Women Who Prevent Themselves from Dating Successfully – Raunchy Maria

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.